During these times, what we need is a little faith, hope, and clarity...
Maybe that’s too much to expect. Perhaps I need to look at all sides before I come to my own conclusion...it gets challenging. What compounds the problem is I am isolated from the rest of the country, the rest of the world. AlI I can do is rely on my friends and what they tell me; how things are in their part of the world. Then there is what I see in the news, but that’s all arbitrary. Of course there is always the element of history and how it repeats itself. The fear factor too...that might cause a blind spot in my seeing this all correctly. Is this a history rerun? Why does this seem strange to me? Why do I not trust that everything is going to be OK? I looked at all sides of the coin and still find many holes in the stories, like there’s a big black hole right in the middle of the information we’re getting. The whole picture is being sucked out of our consciousness parameters. Maybe I’m paranoid, but I would like to think that I am leaving ample room here. A wide berth...room for the unknown, room for the unexpected..just like when a tornado comes through my neighborhood that has never come through my neighborhood ever in history. One can never prepare enough, but you can listen to some information on the weather report and just get ready; whether or not it’s in vain, it’s always good to be prepared...right?
I am not the eternal optimist, but I still do believe in the basic goodness of the human race. So perhaps I will fall into that realm more than I ordinarily would, rather than sink into those other terms with thinking more filled with negativity. I don’t need to be stupid. I do need to be informed and I do need to be kind no matter how difficult.I still feel I’m short of this ideal, but I have to forgive myself and others because we’re all just trying to do the best we can with the tools we have. It’s difficult to stay in the moment especially when the moment feels uncomfortable, but it is an opportunity, I’m told, to be able to dig deeper. Perhaps the answer is in trying to dig deeper within ourselves and to see what our fears are and to allow ourselves to breathe into those fears and see them for what they really are...Projections? But are they valid?
I have to start with simple kindness. When I’m on the phone trying to correct a billing mistake or some other equally annoying situation. I have to realize that the person on the other end is probably doing the best they can and that many people have come on and yelled at them. A little bit of kindness goes a long way. I may not even get any better answers as to what’s going on but at least I can live with myself and feel clear about what’s going on within me. If I just take some time for myself...before I answer that phone, before I make that phone call, before I go out to the store, or before I get in my car and drive...
We are all re-emerging. I’m not sure how long we’ll be able to re-emerge and by-the-way, we don’t seem to be doing such a great job at merging together at all.Tensions are high and I said it myself, “My loved ones, my friends and sometimes all my interactions seem to have an edge to them.” I just really have to take a pause. That pause will leave me with a much better chance to have the faith, hope and clarity that we all so desperately need right now.
August 2020
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